27^th August 2017, Saturday 12:43am

Assalamualaikum and hi everyone, i am back! (Acting like i got many followers) haha

It was very long time i didn’t write anything in this blog so tonight i feel like to write something as i got very long ‘me time’ for me.

I read my past and scrolling down my old posting in this blog and i had a loud of laugh. I never thought that i have been growing up as an adult today and keep read about my past. I am ashamed with my words and certain post that i wrote. Terlajak perahu boleh diundur, terlajak kata buruk padahnya.

I back to my teaching track by opening the tuition classes for the villager’s kids since I feel that this is my passion.

I quit my job at the very young age and decided to be a ‘work from home’ person. I really can’t handle dealing with any company. I think the most meaningful moment in our life is being employed, but not for me. I think my life become worst when I am working based on the few jobs that I quit few years ago.

Now I am going back on this teaching track. I have think and do a deep conversation with myself about this and finally I decided to do this even I don’t know until when. I hope that Allah swt will guide me in this.

My elder sister was born a daughter named Hawa and I become an aunt with my name officially changed to Omma (in Korean means mom) -_-

Hafiz now turns 7^th and he passes his first mid-examination with very flying colors. Look at the picture below. Yes, of course i am proud as his sister. He told me that he wants to be an architect. I feel like, hmmm whatever. I don’t even know where he got that idea since I teach him to be an ustadz and never mention the architecture career to him. Pengaruh tv kot.

I am satisfied with staying home and help my parents facing their old age moment and whatever it is, this is what I called job satisfaction! Haha. And they are my big why to stay and work from home. Aku xboleh tengok mama dengan baba membesarkan Hafiz tanpa aku.

I don’t know why but I feel that they are really need my help to handle Hafiz especially regarding to his education and school. i also felt that my parents deserved more time to spend with Hafiz as they are growing old but Hafiz still young and I know Hafiz will be test with the loss of his loved one, its either mama, baba or his siblings. So I need to tell him every time that we are not live forever so he can think that slowly. And when the time really happened, he can understand and accept it. Mungkin sebab tu bila dia merajuk, dia sebut “biarlah adik mati, jangan kamu cari adik”. Mungkin dia sudah mulai faham erti kematian and I hope so. 

I am the heavy sleeper, so I think I should sleep now. See ya.

#midnight till dawn

Salam. Hello. Anyeong.

03:24 am/22.2.2016

Just wanna share this, for me and yours. 
Actually I am crying while reading a post on facebook, about a kids that missed his mommy.
So, I think this is very useful to make your kids understand about the death.
While reading this, I just can think about one name, Hafiz.
I am imagining how we would explain to him if he lost someone in this happy family.
I keep thinking how to explain to him if one of us has gone/died during his childhood sebab jarak umur antara kami dengan Hafiz jauh berbeza.

Baba: 55 tahun
Mama: 44 tahun
K.P: 26 tahun
Me : 25 tahun
W : 23 tahun
Y : 22 tahun
E : 20 tahun
Hafiz : 6 tahun

See, you will noticed our age differ too much.
Anything can happen in the future, unexpected or under your expectation.
And I keep thinking about our family's future.

Ya ALLAH, i seek for Your forgiveness, i ask Your mercy. 
If the death come to me, please take care of Hafiz. 

I remembered when I am acting that I am died, to see his response towards me.
When I am stop breathing and laying down, he keep punching me and shake me non stop.
When i didn't react to that, he start to bite me coz he know that i cant stand with his teeth.

And then i asked him. "Adik, kenapa adik gigit Kak Cha?" 

"Sbb Adik ingat Kak Cha mati.." he replied.

"Kalau Kak Cha mati betul2 macam mana?" I asked him more.

He said, "Adik terjun laut supaya adik mati sama-sama Kak Cha sebab Kak Cha xsayang adik sudah.." 

Waktu tu cuma Allah tahu macam mana hati aku bila dengar Hafiz jawab macam tu.
Terasa mcm hati ni ditusuk benda yang sangaaaattt tajam.
:'(

So as I told earlier, when i logged into my facebook, i found this posts, that makes me cried all night today.

I hope that you can feel what I feel after reading this books. ENJOY. 

hi hi bye bye

#biar saja

Lama kan blog ni sunyi. March to October. How times flies very fast.

Assalamu’alaikum wbt..

                                    Biar saja tanpa cinta sekali ini…

                                    Biar saja nanti pun datang lagi..

                                    Biar saja tanpa rindu sekali ini…

                                    Biar saja sementara sendiri…

I’m listening to this song while writing this post and crying alone when i missed them a lot. Al-fatihah. Semoga Allah swt tabahkan hati ini dari hari ke hari.

Izinkan diriku lenyapkan segala namun ku xterdaya melupakan segalanya..

Kini ku sendiri hilang segala cinta..sebuah reality bernoktah di sini..

It’s hard to accept that they are all gone. What makes my heart broke is i am dreaming of them. I keep dreaming that i am hugging, kissing and touch them as they are still alive.

Everyone thought that I am okay after few months. Seeing my laugh my smile and my happiness but they didn’t even know about my litre of tears before i closed these eyes every night. How hard to accept that you lost a lot of your beloved person.

“Aku sendiri xtahu bagimana rasanya redho.”

When i opened my eyes, i just want to see them. I want to meet them as usual.  But now we are separated by death.  The space inside this heart can’t be filled with anything. That’s why i learnt to appreciate every person in my life. I can’t bear for another lost. I try not to hurt them, and keep them inside this heart.

Ujian Allah swt, tiada siapa pun dapat menjangka. What I am hoping for, I’m not being tested with losing of another person that I love.  Aamiin.

Its 02.14 am now (10102015) and i think this is the best time to blog since my mind cleared and my soul calmed. Okay let me tell you what ive been through for this few months of 2015. Since the 2015 will be at the end and our Maal Hijrah will coming.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

#after nek tih gone

-          My sister married at my 24^th birthday, 25 April 2015 (smirking)

-          I resigned as the teacher and start to work as admin assistant for 3 months

-          I am doing part time job for rm8/hour as the private tutor

-          I’ve attended the interview for Pegawai Psikologi S41 but I am failed.

-          Now its October and i am self-employed for two months by selling my own cheescuits products by COD and supplied it to UiTMians. Kah3

-          I’m still fear of losing someone i love.  (known as thantophobia)

-          I am divorce with rice and start my Atkins Diet, my coach is my PLKN’s friend, Iza.

-          I can ignore the rice but not the cheese cakes! I should trying more harder

-          I am practicing skipping for 100 at the evening every day.

-          And now, its 2:21am, i am sitting in front of my laptop to apply the Pembantu Setiausaha Pejabat Gred N17 (SPM Qualification) to fulfill my mama’s wish and be the job hunter.

-          I am seeking for a husband to be. WHATTTT? HAHAHA  (i can really imagine all of my friend’s face who reading this)sorry gals, :P

Okay, that’s all. I think that is enough to update my progress. (konon2 ada pembaca setia)

See you soon! :)

6^th februari 2015 (friday)

Lepas siap mengajar budak2, aku balik rumah untuk berehat.  aku plan utk pergi rumah nek tih lewat sikit dari kebiasaan sebab jumaat tu aku memang sudah loss energy and fatigue since i didn’t get enough rest and very miserable for two weeks before. I slept peacefully till asr.

Sharp at 5pm, i race my motorcycle to the nek tih’s house. Bila aku sampai, aku tengok nek tih mengerang sakit. Nek tih suruh call mama, suruh datang minta ubat. Makcik2 yang lain ada di sekeliling nek tih. Then, i called my mama. Unfortunately, she can’t make it bcoz she got the fever and can’t move.  So i tell nek tih that mama cant see her. 

Sekali lagi, nek tih mengerang sakit. Makcik2 bacakan surah al fatihah di air minum, tapi semua xberkesan. Nek tih cakap, “ aku mau pulang..jam berapa sudah..” but i didn’t realize it yet. I said, kita pulang pegi mana nek..?. Pastu nek tih geleng2 kepala, tertidur.

Lepas azan maghrib, nek tih terbangun lagi mengerang sakit. I decided to take her to the hospital. I called my uncle and bring nek tih to the hospital. Sampai di Hosp.Queen Elizabeth II, bahagian kecemasan. Jumpa Doktor Cina, dia tanya pasal nek tih, so i explained him what i know about the cancer. Lastly, the doct want to meet with my uncle. I wait outside with my bag and let them talk.

Few minutes later, my uncle asked me to go inside the emergency room. I see nek tih laying in the bed dengan muka pucat, xbermaya. I am wondering, apa yang doktor tu buat dengan nek tih. Aku tahan hati, aku bediri di tepi katil nek tih. It is almost 10.00pm. Nek tih muntah. I saw theres a blood from her mouth. I got panic and asked the nurse. The nurse said that is nothing! But I believe that it is the blood. The nurses want to calm me and answer like that. I take some tissue and wipe the blood. I almost crying but i am very strong person that will not easily cry in front of others.

Then, the doctor comes, he said that we will be transferred to the Palliative Ward, Hospital Queen Elizabeth I and asked me to go with the ambulance. I sit beside nek tih with her bloody mouth. I wipe the blood along the way to the Palliative Ward. I asked myself, what happened to nek tih? She is holding my hand tightly. I hold her hand and warmed her. She didn’t talk anything, just sleep with her eyes closed and her hand hold my hand.

 7 februari 2015 (Saturday)

12.30 am, we arrived at palliative ward. I wait for my uncle to take care of nek tih that night as my gastric becomes worse. I didn’t eat anything since the afternoon and that’s why my gastric is attacking me that night. I sit beside the bed, while nek tih sleeping. I am texting my siblings to asked them come and look nek tih. But my mama refused. She said that she’s still in fever. I don’t know why, i cried so much. I look at the white wall and crying silently. I am disappointed but i know that my mama really can’t make it.

Nek tih condition becomes worse. She is bleeding from her mouth. I wipe it and just ignore what i am thinking. Nek tih keep asking me to adjust her pillow, turn it down, turn it up and called my names. When Baba comes, he discussed with my uncle to take nek tih home. So, I agree and the nurse asked my uncle to sign the agreement.

She put the morphine 10mg into nek tih’s body to prevent nek tih groaning and let her rest. I shud say no, but i can’t. My uncle had sign the agreement and then nek tih get the morphine inside her body. I cried silently while looking at her laying down in the bed, she can’t even say my name and that makes me feel very sad.

We bring nek tih home and i keep ask her to zikr together with me. I sing the zikr song sebab aku tau nek tih sedang nazak. Aku bisik di teling nek tih,

“Subhanallah, Walhamdulillah, Wala Ila Ha Ilallah, Allahuakbar”

Sepanjang jalan balik rumah, i keep singing the zikr but nek tih cant speak and my tears just flowing smoothly. With her head in my arms, i hug her and kissed her as i don’t know when i can hug and kissed her just like before. My heart totally broke but i keep myself strong. I can’t bear any lost anymore. I cant.

At home, we put her in her bed, and i keep accompany her even my gastric is coming. I hold her hand, lay beside her and i fall asleep at 2.30am.

At the dawn, i heard the athan from the mosque then i woke up. I heard my uncle said, “mak..mak..” with his very loud voice. I look at her hand; i hold and massage her right hands. It’s cold and freeze. Tangan nek tih keras. Aku urut juga dengan harapan nek tih terbangun. Sebab aku masih rasa waktu tu mungkin tangan nek tih cramp. Aku urut dengan kuat. Then, my uncle cek nek tih punya nadi, cek nafas. The words that I heard is, “ Nenek sudah tiada ni..” Airmata aku xtertanggung. Aku urut tangan nek tih. Aku cium dahi nenek. I know that I am not your best granddaughter,  but I will coming after you soon.

But, now I have to live with all her memories and it is totally breaks my heart. I don’t know how to keep living with all your love and memories. I force myself to believe that you are now gone. Nek Tih, rehat di sana sampai kita jumpa lagi satu hari nanti..-al-fatihah (arwah eyang, titie, arwah pakcik tua, arwah bapa kak rita, arwah nek tih)

neurofisiologi

#pengalaman yang sangat osem.

For these two days, i am participating in kursus teknik menghafaz menggunakan teknik neurofisiologi.

Mula-mula tu memang aku xmo pergi disebabkan oleh beberapa alasan. Tapi, lastly mungkin takdir Allah swt, aku berada di dalam kursus tu selama 2 hari.

Output dari kursus tu sekarang, aku dapat menghafaz 10 ayat dari surah An-Naba, my fav surah dan lengkap dengan teknik menghafaz menggunakan teknik neurofisiologi. Apa tu? Aku pun penat mo explain, apa kata kita google dulu. Hik3

Testimoni peserta :

“Sebagai manusia biasa, mungkin kita xpernah fikir kita akan dapat menghafaz ayat2 al-Quran macam pelajar tahfiz di sekolah pondok, madrasah, pusat tahfiz etc. Tapi, jujur dan terus terang, bila didedahkan dengan hafazan menggunakan teknik neurofisiologi ni, ya Allah! Bukan saja nama surah, bilangan surah, ayat-ayat setiap surah boleh dihafaz, bahkan kita boleh jadikan otak kita macam komputer. Bila disebut sila baca ayat 3 surah An- Naba, kita boleh terus pick up and take out ayat tu terus dibaca! Bukan itu jak, yang sangat mengkagumkan, bila orang lain baca sepotong ayat dari ayat yang kita hafal, kita boleh tahu itu ayat ke berapa!Osem dan amazing bukan?”

Ok, stop stop stop. Itu sedikit pengalaman aku ikut kursus menggunakan teknik neurofisiologi untuk menghafaz. Aku xpernah sangka, pengalaman begini osem dan amazing yang aku akan dapat. Alhamdulillah. Ouh, u wanna know what course i am taking? U can google it. Benda tu sangat famous. Sebenarnya aku malas mau promote, ini teknik pemasaran, konon laaa~ Hak3

22-25 Mei 2015, i will be at Kuala Lumpur. Sebenarnya, semua benda ni aku ndak plan pun tapi kawan2 aku punya idea gila-gila yang selalu ungkapkan ayat ni,

“xpa, rezeki tu ada di mana-mana pun. Yakin” Yes, keyakinan tu lah juga yang buat aku survive sampai sekarang. Semua akan rasa benda tu, aku sudah rasa dan mudah-mudahan Allah swt bagi kamu kamu kamu dan kamu juga peluang untuk mengaplikasikan sifat tawakkal dan yakin tu.

Okay lah, memandangkan i can’t stop sneezing, and my eyes is full with tears so i think i shud stop this post here. My nose is getting worst sebab menu di kursus tadi udang udang udang, and i forgot that my nose was very sensitive organ. Jadi, akibatnya sekarang aku bersahabat baik dengan tisu 1Malaysia harga RM1.00. Satu Mesia!

See you soon and i hope that i can continuously posting and updating this classic blog.
Salam.

Love,

me

coming back back back home

Salam and hi.

I started to blog again after a few months of my deep silence. Sambil2 gosok mata yang gatal ni, aku menaip dan menjadi keyboard warrior di dalam blog sendiri. I hope that I can be strong till the day I meet Allah swt.

a.     Me

Okay, first of all i want to tell that i am officially graduated on 23^rd November 2014 and i am looking for any job that available for me.  I am ready. Untuk tunggu kerja tetap, aku ambik peluang untuk jadi part timer di sebuah learning centre, mengajar jugak. Sabtu Ahad. At least aku boleh lah kurangkan rasa yang aku ni xberguna, boleh lah dapat pahala dan duit poket untuk menyara Hafiz. Hak3

b.     Titie (al-fatihah)

Sudah hampir dua bulan, my lovely sister(actually my cousin) kembali ke rahmatullah sebab tumor di dalam otak. Allah swt lebih sayangkan dia, but the problem is i can’t accept that she is gone even though we have met for the last time sebelum arwah di kafankan. I can’t tell anything in my social media that she is oredi gone, but i just wrote “till the day we meet again”, because that is actually the true feelings inside me! Satu hari tu my mom asked, “ mau buat kenduri sempena konvo?” aku Cuma mampu jawab, “nanti lah mak, biarlah kenduri arwah selesai. Sebab, 21^st November 2014, arwah pergi, lepas tu 23^rd November 2014, aku terima segulung ijazah. Itu sudah cukup menikam kalbu. J

c.     Nek tih

On April 2014, she was diagnosed with prolapse stoma and done with the operation but sadly that she can’t live normally as she is now using the stoma bag to take out the stool from her large intestine, untuk lebih info, boleh google. So, on 15^th December, she was admitted to Hospital Queen Elizabeth II, lepas beberapa hari nek tih teda output dalam stoma bag dia, and doctor said that itu xnormal. 9 hari 8 malam bermalam di wad, sudah cukup menyentuh hati aku yg keras macam batu. Macam-macam perkara yang aku dengar, macam-macam peristiwa yang aku nampak. Sebab tu bila kita melawat orang sakit, malaikat akan doakan kita. Masalah sekarang, sel yang sudah dibuang dulu waktu pembedahan, datang kembali dalam usus nek tih. Doktor cakap sel tu agresif and we had to choose chemotherapy or paliatif. Untuk chemo, berat nek putih memang xcukup, umur nek putih 76 tahun, memang dia xboleh tahan dgn chemo. Untuk paliatif, itu maksudnya option terakhir, maksudnya doktor xboleh buat apa-apa lagi untuk kawal sel tu. Itu lah juga pilihan kami. Kami redha. Sekarang, kami cuma mampu jaga nek tih apa yang mampu. Semoga Allah swt permudahkan urusan kami sekeluarga.

Lastly, I hope that this post is enough to tell you that i am not running away, but i am struggling for the 1^st phase of hardest part (maybe) in my life.

Thatsollthankyou. J

#countdown to 26th sept 2014

minggu ni, aku jaga lebri. senang sikit aku kasi siap final report praktikum. rasa ndak sabar mo kasi habis praktikal di sini.errr ok lah i malas menaip. jumpa lagi nanti. kbai

#salam praktikum

Salam and hi.

Now I’m sitting at the Wi-Fi area in my office.  Apa lagi aku mo buat kan. Hari ni hari kelima praktikum, so I need to finish my report to submit it for my supervisor and my lecturer. Minggu ni aku kena tempat di bawah pemantu tadbir bahagian kewangan. Kerja dia memang gila sebab aku calculatophobia.  Aku xsuka tengok nombor, tapi apa boleh buat. I should finish that in order to complete my report biarpun aku hampir migrain. Tapi xpa lah, biarpun praktikum ni xada elaun, elaun akhirat kan ada.  Kalau kita mudahkan kerja orang, Allah swt mudahkan kerja kita kan kan kan.  Tersentak mendengar khabar saudara di gaza. Sehinggakan ada pepatah yang muncul, bersahur di dunia, berbuka di syurga. Sebab dorang xpasti sama ada waktu berbuka nanti dorang masih hidup atau syahid. Ya Allah, rapuh hati melihat saudaraku di sana.  Apa yang akan ku jawab nanti bila di hadapanMu.  Bila ditanya apakah yang aku buat di saat saudaraku yang lain di bunuh dan diperang. Gaza, maafkan kami. Kami hanya mampu berdoa. Maafkan kami Gaza..Kami tidak mampu bersamamu memerangi Zionist laknatullah. Kami tidak mampu mengubat lukamu.  Semoga Allah swt terima doa kami di sini.  Kawan-kawan, jom perbanyakkan doa qunut nazilah.  Doa orang-orang yang berpuasa, mesti dimakbulkan Allah swt kan.

"Ya Allah, sesungguhnya kami letakkan Engkau di batang leher musuh-musuh kami, dan kami berlindung denganMU dari kejahatan mereka. Ya Allah, hancur leburkanlah kumpulan-kumpulan mereka! Kacau-bilaukan persatuan mereka! Cerai-beraikan pakatan mereka! Goncangkan pendirian mereka! Hantarkan ke atas mereka anjing-anjing Kamu! Wahai Tuhan Yang Gagah Perkasa, Wahai Tuhan Yang Bersifat Murka, Wahai Tuhan Yang Maha Menyiksa, Ya Allah, Ya Allah, Ya Allah. Wahai Tuhan yang menurunkan Al-Quran, wahai Tuhan yang menggerakkan awanan, wahai Tuhan yang menewaskan bala tentera Ahzab, kalahkanlah mereka, menangkanlah kami ke atas mereka…"

Ya Allah, sesungguhnya kami bermohon pertolonganMU, kami meminta ampun kepadaMU, kami memohon petunjuk dariMU, kami beriman kepadaMU, kami berserah kepadaMU dan kami memujiMU dengan segala kebaikan, kami mensyukuri dan tidak mengkufuriMU. Ya Allah, hentikanlah segala macam kezaliman dan permusuhan, bantulah saudara-saudara seIslam kami di mana sahaja mereka berada. Angkatlah dari mereka kesusahan, bala, peperangan dan permusuhan. Ya Allah, selamatkanlah saudara seIslam kami di Gaza yang dizalimi oleh kekejaman rejim zionis dari segala keburukan dan hindarkanlah mereka segala bala, kerana tiada sesiapa yang dapat menghindarkannya melainkan Engkau, ya Allah. Allahumma Aameen.

#berkabung

Salam and hi kawan2.

           

Nampaknya, berkurun lama blog kesayangan tidak disentuh dan dipandang. Maklumlah, sudah hampir kemuncak perjalanan. :D Alhamdulillah, sekarang paper ketiga terakhir sebelum melangkah ke praktikal.  Apa persediaan pun aku xbuat lagi. Aku cuma focus exam sebab takut kisah dan tragedy lama berulang lagi. Sangat sadis di dalam dewan exam subjek elektif. Budak kos tu pandang aku semacam jak. Mesti dorang ingat aku ni pendatang asing. Haha.  Zaman exam ni, zaman berkabung di dalam bilik sambil melepaskan stress dengan textliner. Seminggu cuti study week, aku pergi laut untuk memancing! Peristiwa yang paling penting ialah, aku dapat hasil tangkapan, satu ekor ikan kerisi. Tapi aku teda makan pun. K Ntah bila lagi dapat merasa pengalaman jadi orang laut.  Kan kan kan. Hitam? Sun burn? Oh tidak. Wa tala takut ooo. Asalkan wa dapat telejun itu laut. Haha.

            Seminggu exam sudah berlalu, aku cuma harap everything goes smoothly and clearly.  Sekarang aku sakit kepala urus adik aku masuk UiTM (hanya untuk bumiputera sahaja) Haha.  Dia ambil kos Public Admin kah apa ntah.  Alhamdulillah lah dekat Kampus Kota Kinabalu. Kalau ndak, pening kepala urus. Sangat memberi tekanan.  Lagi-lagi aku tengah exam sekarang. Resdung pula makin teruk. Uuuuuwuwuwuwuwu T_T

            3 paper lagi untuk dibelasah. Xsabar mahu praktikal tapi dalam masa yang sama, aku takut. Hmm.  21 Jun ni ada dinner kalau I xsilap.  Aku mau menyumbang kepada props dan hiasan dinner. So, tangan magic, jom!!

#hai hai hai final year

salam, ok memandangkan aku sekarang agak serabut dan sibuk dengan tahun akhir, jadi aku copy paste je lah dari blog aku dari lms. hihi

Now its my final year. Tapi secara jujur, i dont feel like im the super duper senior in my campus. Each time we met our junior, "tahun 1 kah?" i said, "errr.." dengan bunyi latar krik krik krik. ini diskriminasi apa? haha. 3 years complete, inshaAllah for my first bachelor. i have no plan after this but i hope i can be hired by an organization with the proper salary? amin. sebab aku banyak tanggungan lepas baba retire. tanggungan ler sangat. Seminggu lagi final exam, and for sure i will stay at my bestfriend's room for whole week since i have ptsd about my exam's schedule. i dont believe this sepet eyes anymore  sebab sepet eyes ni aku salah tengok jadual final exam and i need to take extra subjek for this semester. but im grateful because terapeutik with children was very interesting and trigger my autism!  dan sejuta terima kasih kepada lecturer yang sangat humble dan baik hati, Puan Shazia yang sudi terima aku sebagai student elektif and not judging me negatively as others do. 

ok lah, i need to do the last assignment for my last semester and final year(i hope so and everything will be smooth until my graduation day). amin.

ok, bye.

feeling cute sebab bakal praktikal di Institut Kemahiran Mara Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, dekat dengan rumah, xpayah duduk jauh dari mama baba dgn hafiz! alhamdulillah. ok last words,bye.

#midterm bertingkek tingkek

Once again, salam and hi april!!

Setelah melalui cuti mid semester selama seminggu, kini kembali beraksi di gelanggang akademik. T_T Disambut dengan midterm secara istiqamah dari Hari Isnin hingga Khamis, I feel like almost die! Argh! Aku makin stghess bila banyak asaimen belum setel. Planning fallacy! (cek sendiri dalam google ye). Syok cuti semester kali ni, aku xdapat lupa. Jauh perjalanan, luas pemandangan. Terasa sikit beban selama 7 minggu terlepas ke belakang. Alhamdulillah. Sekarang, aku perlu teruskan lagi 7 minggu untuk praktikal! Oh no.

IKM belum hantar jawapan untuk permohonan praktikal aku. Kalau IKM ndak luluskan, aku mogok depan pejabat dorang. :P

Okay now, just to update my blog tapi memndangkn huruf a ni susah benor untuk ditekn,aku decide untuk say bye2. J
See you soon and wish me luck!!!

#STPM and SPM

Salam and Hi.

Final year oh final year, T_T. Seriously, memang susah untuk manage subjek final year!

-Terapeutik dengan kanak-kanak

-Psikologi Sosial

-Psikologi Kognisi dan Pembelajaran

-Penaksiran Personel

-Psikologi Pengiklanan

-Intervensi dan Penilaian Program dalam Masyarakat

-Isu-isu dalam Psikologi Industri dan Organisasi

-Praktikum

See! Tapi aku xpernah anggap benda ni susah, xpernah juga anggap benda ni macam kacang. Apa pun, aku kena teruskan sebab aku xmau extend. No no no and no. Lepas grad, aku plan untuk cont with my master pastu umur 25 tahun dapat phd kah apa kah. Tapi aku rasa mcm ndak lama lagi mau kiamat. Ikhwanul muslimin di mesir akan dihukum gantung. Allah T_T. Pray for them. Sekarang ni isu panas di Malaysia, MH370, and I will always pray for them too. Ok, kembali kepada STPM dan SPM, aku bukan mau imbas balik kenangan aku ambik result dulu, but i wanna share about my sisters. Malam tu, Inche Baba sms aku, sebab Inche Baba shif malam. So, he wouldn’t be able to be at home.

Then, he asked me;

“macam mana result adik2?”

Then i replied,

“Okay, irah dapat gini gini gini..yann xtau lagi sebab pointer belum tau..”

Inche Baba replied my SMS,

“Layakkah dorang masuk U?”

Lepas tu i don’t know why, pandangan aku mula kabur2 bila tengok skrin nfon.

My tears flowing derasly, I can’t control it. I shed my tears then tetap juga mengalir. Urghh.

Aku terus reply..

“InshaAllah layak..Sebab result dorang sederhana..kalau xdapat, ada rayuan..”

Aku rasa sedih sebab aku tahu sebab kenapa Baba xterus tanya direct dgn adik-adik aku. Aku tahu Baba peduli, Baba kisah tentang masa depan dorang, tapi Baba ndak tunjuk. Sama macam aku dulu. Aku dapat UiTM, Baba sungguh-sungguh kasi daftar aku biarpun aku xmahu. Lepas STPM, aku dapat UMS, Baba juga susah hati bila fikir macam mana mahu bayar yuran pengajian aku. Tapi, aku rasa syukur sebab Allah swt permudahkan. And now, aku yang dulu pernah makan hati dengan layanan Baba, aku mula faham perasaan seorang Bapa. Perasaan seorang Mama. Aku cepat tersentuh, mungkin sebab selalu dodoi Hafiz dengan zikir ya Latif kan. Oh airmata, bila mau berhenti. Oklah, aku ada banyak kerja mau selesaikan. Aku harap Cuma satu, aku dapat jadi anak yang berguna untuk keluarga aku. Aku Cuma harap aku jadi penyejuk hati Mama dengan Baba sampai satu saat aku di panggil ke negeri sana..

#kembali menulis

          Assalamu’alaikum pembuka bicara. Err. Lama ndak update blog, kaku rasanya jari jemariku ini menari di atas papan kekunci laptop kesayangan ini. Hmm, ekceli aku rasa aku sangat busy dan tidak berminat untuk update blog biarpun sudah bersawang dengan labah-labah. Hihi. Sem ni, HELLO FINAL YEAR AND FINAL SEM!!! Puas hati bila aku dapat kasitau. Hehe.

          Ya, aku sekarang dalam penerbangan final year, bukan MH370 ok! Semester yang di mana orang lain ambik 18 jam kredit, aku ambik 21 jam kredit, so that’s mean I have one class extra. T_T Ya Allah, yang telah permudahkan apa yang sulit. Kalau ikutkan track sebenar, aku kena extend satu sem, but I chose not to repeat the Parenting Paper and took another one subject yang sama jam kredit. Lecturer aku cakap, nasib baiklah subjek elektif.

Apa-apa pun, life must go on as you only live once, once ke? Hidup dua kali kan, tapi mati yang sekali. Keh3. Kan kan kan. Aku sudah cuba apa termampu, dan semoga Allah permudahkan jalanku menuntut ilmu. Buat di luar sana yang masih berusaha menjejaki dan mencari-cari aku untuk menyertai program2 persatuan, aku ada di sini tetapi lebih memilih untuk bekerja di belakang tabir. Please give me an excuse, and I hope that they are not misunderstanding my intention and easily said that I fa tho ro.

Okay, have a nice day. Aku ada banyak kerja untuk diselesaikan. Jerawat sudah mula bermastautin di wajah ini. Kbai.

#diam tanda marah K

Salam awal Februari!

Bila marah, ramai yang ambil tindakan untuk berdiam, termasuk diri aku sendiri. Ya, aku lebih selesa untuk berdiam. Aku belajar banyak benda dari tragedi perang saudara yang lepas. Lebih baik aku zip mulut aku dari berkata dan pendam semua kemarahan daripada menyusahkan dan menyakitkan orang lain. Aku juga suka tengok cerita Korea sebab pelakon2 Korea wanita lebih sopan bila berdepan dengan kemarahan, jika dibandingkan dengan pelakon wanita Melayu(just an honest opinion). Aku suka tengok bila kami ada ciri2 yang sama. Bila marah, aku diam lepas tu perlahan2 ada titisan2 jernih di pipi. Haha. Memang itu pun diajar dalam Islam.Bila marah, lebih baik kita diam sebab banyak hikmah kan. Sekarang, aku dapat banyak kebaikan bila berdiam.Kalau dibandingkan dengan sebelum ni, aku lebih suka memberontak, mulut aku ni cakap lepas xpeduli siapa yang ada di sekeliling aku, asalkan aku puas. Tapi, sejak kebelakangan ni, aku belajar untuk diam lepas tu buang semua kemarahan aku dengan airmata. Ternyata, itu lebih berkesan dan mendatangkan kebaikan. And now, I am feeling macho! ^^

Ok, sekarang aku tengah tunggu keputusan exam sem 5. Cuti semester sudah mau habis, 17hb Februari kami mula kuliah. T_T. Dengar khabar, 15 Februari 2014 ni akan keluar.Degdegkan jantung gwe. ;( Aku cuma harap dapat result yang baik, yang baik untuk dunia dan akhirat aku. Aku juga harap, semua kan baik-baik sahaja. Next week, aku plan untuk jumpa lecturer Subjek Parenting (status=UM@repeat) disebabkan jadual aku clash!

Aku harap Allah swt lembutkan hati2 semua orang2 dalam SPKS supaya aku boleh grad pastu praktikal tahun ni. Please pray for me. Oklah, its 12.41am now. Since I cannot sleep cause I have drink too much coffee just now, so I need to force myself to read and blogwalking so I can get sleepy. Haha. Ok, have a nice day! See you soon!

#suka menulis

“Saya sangat suka menulis. Hari2 saya menulis. Saya menulis nota, diary, mesej dan kata2 yang buat orang terharu serta kata2 baik yang mampu menyentuh hati manusia!”

          Ya, aku tersangat suka menulis. Dulu, aku pernah buat cerpen pendek, tapi aku berhenti sebab bosan, jadi bakat aku yang terpendam tidak dapat diasah. Aku juga berbangga sebab aku dapat A untuk PMR, A untuk SPM, dan A juga untuk STPM bagi subjek Bahasa Melayu! Hik3. Eh, tapi bukan aku sahaja yang bangga, cikgu aku, Cikgu Flora Loh aka Cikgu Faridah Abdullah juga turut berbangga sebab dapat mendidik aku sampai dapat gred macam tu. And special thanks to her, because never give up and always push me to write anything with any words and content. Oh my English. Kalau subjek Bahasa Inggeris pula, aku boleh lah sikit2, sebab mother-tongue language aku Orang Putih Bajau Samah. Kui3.

Okay, sekarang aku sudah berada di rumah. Sebab sebelum ni, aku bertapa secara tidak sah di bilik kawan aku, Miss Q. Disebabkan motivasi aku akan tinggi bila di tempat lain, so i have decided to stay at her room for this final exam. Syukur Alhamdulillah, berkat kasih sayang dan rahmat Allah serta usaha yang Miss Q dan geng studi grup aku, aku boleh lah jawab atau dalam erti kata lain, boleh survive untuk final exam ni. ALHAMDULILLAH. Aku Cuma mampu bertawakkal setelah berhempas pulas perah otak dan berusaha buat persiapan untuk final exam kali ni. Aku terharu sebab semua topik2 yang kawan2 aku bincang, itu lah yang keluar dalam exam. T_T Pertolongan ALLAH swt sangatlah dekat.

Back to reality, aku ketepikan hati yang sudah rapuh dan hancur bila jadual sem depan aku clash dengan subjek Parenting yang aku kena ulang sebelum praktikum. L Aku rasa mahu nangis, tapi aku masih kuat! Aku harap aku dapat ulang subjek Parenting sem depan. Kalau tidak, maka akan bertambahlah kehancuran dan keleburan hati aku. Ya ALLAH, permudahkanlah segala kesulitan yang aku alami dan hilangkanlah segala keresahan ini. Amin. Hmm, oklah. Azan Isyak sudah berkumandang, aku perlu bertandang ke dapur sebab terhidu masakan Mama. Ehe!. SALAM, sampai bertemu lagi yer! ^^

#killing the tension

Can you just leave me alone?

Just for this week, I hope that I can relax and watching my favorite movie.

I want to take a rest for a while,

Makes my mind free from anything coz my chest can feel a big stone staying now.

I hope that I can cry as much as I want.

And laugh as loud as I want.

Can you leave me just for a while?

I am ignoring you it’s not because I hate all of you, but I need some space for breath.

I can’t hold this.

I want to run but I can’t.

I want to run if it is possible.

Is it impossible to live as what you had wished.

It is impossible for me to follow yours.

All of yours,

 and their dream.

Me too, I have my own dream and life.

I have the most important things to take care of.

I don’t want anything, stop bothering.

So, as you read this, please leave and go.

-Problems.